Dutch Intro (Part 1) — Military Veteran, with Undiagnosed ADHD.
Welcome to my introductory blog post.
Since I’m providing an overview of a lengthy career path, this inaugural edition turned out longer than I wanted. To allow you, the reader, a better use of your time, I’ve broken this into two parts.
First, I’ll describe what led me to the military, and how I was able to serve in the Air Force for 20 years, without realizing I had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). You may learn some things about ADHD, but it’s really a narrative of who I am, and what types of work I enjoy.
Part two will come out next week, with an overview of my post-military career, and why I was able to continue in multiple jobs before finally being diagnosed with ADHD and learning how to self-manage.
Isn’t it obvious when someone has ADHD?
No.
Like many people, I spent most of my life thinking that the “Hyperactive” part of ADHD was all physical and uncontrollable. In reality, it is a hyperactive mind, which may result in some noticeable physical actions, but can be controlled if the person recognizes the need to. Some need medication to control it, while others don’t.
I’ll discuss more in future articles, but there are three types of ADHD:
1) Inattentive
2) Hyperactive-Impulsive,
3) Combined
According to this Healthline article, People who are impulsive or hyperactive often:
- squirm, fidget, or feel restless
- have difficulty sitting still
- talk constantly
- touch and play with objects, even when inappropriate to the task at hand
- have trouble engaging in quiet activities
- are constantly “on the go”
- are impatient
- act out of turn and don’t think about consequences of actions
- blurt out answers and inappropriate comments
Most of us think of the first two items and attach the “hyperactive” label to those, not realizing there’s more.
Since I am of the “Combined” type of ADHD, I strongly relate to all but one of those traits, and many of the Inattentive type. The thing is, I “mask” my impulse to do these things, for fear of judgement or rejection by others. They are behaviors that I impulsively want to act on, but because of my childhood, I instinctively don’t want to call attention to myself, especially if it makes someone else uncomfortable or upset.
So on the outside, I’m cool, calm and collected, but my brain is going in multiple directions all at once. It’s like a duck on the water, where they gracefully glide along the top, but underneath, their feet are paddling like crazy, getting them where they need to be.
Camouflaged ADHD in the military
Another article for a later time, but needless to say, there are an unknown number of military veterans and active duty members who have a case of undiagnosed ADHD. Service to others and constant activity are like magnets to the hyperactive mind, but it can be difficult to enter the military or stay in if there’s an actual diagnosis and need to be medicated.
Like most, I didn’t hide the fact that I have ADHD, I just didn’t realize it. I hadn’t learned what it actually was, and did a wonderful job of hiding from everyone, including myself. I never even sought a diagnosis, but merely tried to blend in with how everyone else behaved.
I had a couple of jobs prior to the military, and I’ll cover them briefly so you get a proper sense of my career path progression.
Job 1 — after school hours
In High School, I was an “Expediter Chef” at TGI Fridays. As the kitchen finished an item, it came to me, where I made sure all the finishing touches were in place — sauces, side dishes, garnishes, soup spoon, steak knife, whatever was needed to make sure the customer got what they asked for. Then, I grouped the items together to complete an order and called for someone to carry it to the right table. This got monotonous for me, so after graduating, I looked for a job that wouldn’t feel exactly the same every day.
Job 2 — post-graduation
I switched to a job at Disneyland, working in Outdoor Vending. At a one-person workstation, I was at a different concession stand every day, selling a specialty item such as popcorn, churros, ice cream, drinks, and balloons. Beyond selling food products, I was empowered to address customer complaints and provide assistance when requested or necessary. It was satisfying to be part of keeping people happy, but it wasn’t challenging to me. I was promoted to management, but I wanted something more. I needed a sense of purpose and making a difference in the world.
So I joined the Air Force.
Job 3 — Military Mechanic
Since I just wanted to be part of the military, but didn’t know what I wanted to do, I naively told the recruiter I’d do “anything”. Mechanics was my lowest score on the ASVAB entrance exam, but I started off as a helicopter crew chief as part of a search and rescue unit.
Like a car mechanic, aircraft mechanics do service checks, and troubleshoot problems that they discover or are reported by the driver. Once the problem was discovered, we’d do what was necessary to solve the problem, which sometimes meant replacing a part.
This is over simplified, but it’s the basics for the sake of still describing me and what I’ve done along my career path.
I enjoyed the problem solving, but it seemed to me like all we were doing was waiting for something bad to happen so that we had something to do. The service checks were boring to me, and hoping something was broken so that I could fix it didn’t align with my desire to help others.
So, I requested to be retrained, and was approved.
Job 4 — Software Developer
The Air Force trained me as a computer programmer, and over about a 10-year period, I was assigned to different units, on completely different programs. Each time, I needed to rapidly learn and use new coding languages and infrastructure.
I wore many hats, varying on any given day, based on the work that needed to be done. I was a Developer, Systems Engineer, Scrum Master, Database Admin, QA Testing Engineer, Program/Project/Product Manager, and more.
The military doesn’t focus on job titles. They train people in a career field, and then people get on-the-job training (sometimes self-teaching) for the (hopefully) related tasks that need to be done. In my experience, as someone’s skills, talent and interest were identified and mastered, they might specialize in a role, but everyone is always pulled to “additional duties” that are not job related.
I solved big problems.
It was challenging.
I was able to be creative.
I briefed 3- and 4-star Generals on project status and worth.
I received multiple, annual awards for high accomplishments.
I was placed in roles with responsibilities above my rank, allowing me to solve bigger problems and have more impact on a wider scale.
Then, in 2006, the Air Force declared that “computer programming is not a war-fighting skill”, so they were cutting hundreds of positions. I was forced to retrain into a more critical career field. It was decided that my skillset could be best used in Intelligence Operations, so back to school I went.
Job 5 — Operations Intelligence
Without going into a lot of details, partly due to the classified nature of the work, but mostly to do with the length of this article, I’ll just give the related highlights on my last 7 years in the Air Force before retiring.
Including a deployment to Iraq, I had three different Intelligence units that I was assigned to, each with unique missions, in different areas, with different end goals and different styles of reporting information.
Although my job title barely changed, I fulfilled role responsibilities such as Researcher, Business Analyst, Operations Manager, and Content Briefer.
There were many times when my additional duties required me to touch on technical aspects, such as coding, database administration, and server maintenance. I was even the IT Manager once, when the unit was being downsized and the career IT Maintenance team was cut and had to be handled by Intel personnel. As a primary user of specialized military software applications, I was also a subject matter expert that defined new features and worked with the Engineering team on defining requirements.
A career as an intelligence analyst could be the dream job for some people with ADHD. Constant learning, in-depth research, non-linear thinking, analytic mindset, putting puzzle pieces together, discovering complex problems, solving those problems, predicting future outcomes.
I would have stayed past my 20 years, but I was tired of deployments, and the enjoyment of being in the military was less than it had been years prior.
I also wanted to get back to a job where I could work exclusively with a team that developed software applications.
The best and the worst
The Air Force was the best thing for my career — I was able to be quickly trained in a technology role, and learned many ways to implement solutions for various types of users and business needs.
The Air Force was the worst thing for my career — I continued 20 years as an adult without recognizing the sings of ADHD. It was obvious I thought different from most of those around me, which did cause some personality conflicts, and it made promotion tests more stressful on me than they should have been.
By the time I started to get bored with a job or lost interest, I was given a different job. Sometimes it was in the same unit, other times it required relocation.
I didn’t have much time between new assignments to recognize that I needed new work — it just fell into my lap. My brain was able to get a new dose of heavy challenges and learning opportunities that raised the dopamine levels in my brain to where I felt “normal”.
Had I been diagnosed as a child (the signs were there), I would have learned coping skills like I have now.
My method of studying for promotion exams would have been different.
My communication to superiors, peers, and subordinates would have been different and more effective.
I could have requested proper accommodations and been more productive with responsibilities that leveraged my superpowers and did not rely heavily on my limitations.
More next week
As mentioned at the start, next week will be my post-military career, and how I discovered I have ADHD. For those that have made it this far, I thank you for reading, and hope you understand me a bit more.
Whether you are reading this as I’ve begun my blogging journey, or you’ve found later articles and come back to the beginning, I appreciate your willingness to do so. There will be articles about ADHD, technology, stress management, and sometimes random life observations.
With a brain that is constantly trying to go in multiple directions all at once, your guess is as good as mine when it comes to topics. It will be interesting to see where this journey goes.
~ Dutch