Dutch Intro (Part2) — Unstable Job Hopper or “Disabled” ADHD Employee?
As implied by the title, I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), but I don’t consider myself “disabled”. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) legally categorizes ADHD as a disability, but many of us with the condition feel we’re just differently able.
Neurodivergent versus Neurotypical.
Non-linear thinking versus Linear thinking.
Fundamentally different, but needing to function in a world where the majority thinks in a different way than we do, and are unsure of how to communicate our needs and differences.
The best example I’ve discovered so far is a book titled, “ADHD: A Hunter in a Farmer’s World.” Completely different skills, strengths and responsibilities, surrounded by people who don’t understand us.
Although most of my articles will be based around technology and Product Management, some may be more focused on ADHD and how I effectively managing the way I focus, despite distractions. I address it in these two introduction posts, because you may feel like my thoughts are all over the place, in the wide array of topics I will post over time.
The previous half of the introduction into who I am as a professional can be found here, as a high-level overview of my career leading up to, and including my service in the Air Force.
This second half is focused on my post-military career. These two articles are much longer than my normal posts will be, since these are more journaling than providing you value and understanding of a specific topic.
As a brief recap from Part 1, the military did a great job of providing me structure, yet continually challenged me with change. I thrive in new, abstract and unfamiliar situations. I crave, them, in fact. The military unknowingly supported this over a 20 year period by allowing me to have four different career fields, and assigning me to 12 different jobs, including my various schools and deployments.
Each of my jobs had a different title, but loosely defined responsibilities. I’ve not always proactively jumped to a new job. Most of the changes were due to Federal contract jobs that were not long-term. But I was always highly successful, and often did more than I should have when others fell short in their roles.
I proved that I could do anything, and tackle any challenge handed to me. If I didn’t know how, I could rapidly learn it, master it, and then train three people to replace me when I left.
But after doing that for so long, I wanted stability.
I wanted a predictable career path.
So I “retired” from the military.
I had a software engineer job lined up right away, which fell through at the last moment. I needed a different job, and fast!
Thanks to a referral from a friend, I was able to interview for a systems administrator job with a federal contractor supporting Air Force servers and networks, on the condition I get a Sec+ certification within 6 months of starting. I got it before my start date.
You might remember two paragraphs back that I wanted to be a software engineer, since I had actively written code for over half my military career. This job was more hardware related than software. Although I was productive and recognized by my supervisor with the company’s “Innovator of the Month” award, I was bored and felt unchallenged.
After two years, I asked to transfer to a role that was with a software team, and given the opportunity to interview for one. Their manager said that I wasn’t “passionate” enough because I didn’t have any side projects where I still wrote code in the evenings and on weekends.
By this time, I was on my second marriage, with a blended family of seven kids. I didn’t really have the time for “side projects”.
So, I applied for and got another job, with another federal contractor, as the “Chief Architect” on a software team. The job title was mislabled, and should have been the Product Manager based on what I did. Not surprising, the federal government is behind the curve with technology, which is why they contract it out. (And some accountant told them it’s cheaper that way.)
The contract was only for a year, but we met all the product requirements, on time and under budget. My employer didn’t have more work for me to do, or I might still be working with them in a job I excelled at and enjoyed.
Through a referral, I jumped over to a job dealing with Biofeedback technology, since my Master’s degree was in Performance Psychology. However, I wasn’t writing or designing code. I was working with this small company of less than 10 people, on contract with the VA and Wounded Warrior Project, helping veterans overcome and manage PTSD. Through teaching skills and techniques, supported through the use of software applications, all participants became successful in their own way. Most were finally able to get jobs or graduate college, which they’d failed at before. Some became entrepreneurs and political lobbyists.
And then the company declared bankruptcy.
Undeterred, I started applying for software related jobs again. To bring in money during the always-too-long job hunt process, I delivered pizza and did odd jobs for friends to maintain an income. I got a few tech certifications to keep my mind fresh and challenged.
Finally, I found a role that was software related. Although I tried for jobs in the private sector, I was once again on an Air Force contract, but this one was for three years. Plenty of time for the company to have more work for me when this project was done.
But I wasn’t writing code. I was reverse engineering code. I led a small team of technical consultants that gathered requirements to a 20-year old client-server application that the Air Force wanted as a cloud-based SaaS that would be “sold” to similar units in the other service branches. But there was no documentation on what it was supposed to do.
Also, it wasn’t just one application. It was a suite of 18 applications. Hosted in a dozen places around the world.
So I interviewed users. I used the suite of apps myself. We figured out what all these apps were doing, and identified gaps of what it still needed to do, then told Engineering what needed to be developed.
And the Engineering team to wrote the code. I don’t even know what languages they were using, and it didn’t matter.
I wasn’t the “Engineering Manager” I was hired as, I was the Principal Product Manager. Others would call it the Group PM or even PM Director.
Learning from my mistakes, once there was only one year left on the three year contract, I started looking for a new job, because my employer didn’t have any contracts that they were even bidding for. I decided it might take me a number of months to find something in the private sector, away from these temporary contracts. I’d finally be able to have something long term, challenging, rewarding, and stable.
It actually only took me a month to find a job with a non-profit as the “VP of Application Development,” where I would work alongside the VP of Business Intelligence and Infrastructure.
Day one, my job title changed to “VP of Information Technology”, with the other VP taking over app development and keeping the BI team, too. Always willing to take on a challenge, I jumped in with both feet, discovering the current status of all the equipment, and working with the team to develop strategies to make improvements. As a good leader, I relied on their expertise, but trusted my foundational knowledge from previous roles to guide the right conversations and make the right decisions.
Then…. January 2020… the threat of COVID-19 caused the company to start layoffs, starting with those most junior.
Surprisingly…. and again through a referral… I bounced back and was working at a startup company two weeks later as the VP of Engineering. Finally back working with code! As a startup, there was no “Product” team, so I wore both hats. We did great things, and I even solved a problem that helped keep the businesses of our customers open during the pandemic lockdown, even though they had traditionally relied on foot traffic.
Without getting too negative, I’ll just say that it only lasted two months. The CEO was a micromanager, and that’s a death sentence for anyone with ADHD, because there’s no room for creative thought. For the sake of my mental well-being I had to leave, and did so in an unprofessional manner, which I’m ashamed of. I’m a people pleaser and a puzzle solver, but neither of those things seemed possible.
During an 8-month search for a full-time role, I found part-time work with the US Census Bureau, and also drove for Doordash & Uber Eats.
Then another job as an Air Force contractor, hired as an actual Product Manager, but being asked to perform as an Engineer. It wasn’t the creative work I enjoyed, but it was a job and I could do it. I wasn’t extremely happy, but I was content. This was a long-term cybersecurity role that would always exist, and always have a need for contractors, even if it meant going to a new company to do the same job.
It was stable, and would offer unique challenges over time, as each problem got resolved with new solutions and a new problem needed to be identified and resolved.
Unprovoked, a recruiter called me out of the blue.
Recruiter — “Are you looking for a new opportunity?”
Me — “No, but what do you have available?”
Recruiter — “My client is a company that is making a Wellness app for First Responders. The mix of your technology background and degree in Psychology seem like they’d be a great match for the Senior Product Manager position they’re trying to fill.”
Product Management. Private Sector that understands the role. Technology. Solving Problems. Stability. Strategy. No writing code.
I’ve lost many military friends due to PTSD related suicide. Helping First Responders, who suffer even more job related stress, than veterans sounded like my dream job!
Like just about anyone with ADHD, I jumped at the next shiny object, happy to be challenged once again.
But my ADHD was still undiagnosed at that time.
I was in charge of the short- and long-term strategy behind the Product.
After six months, my role and responsibilities were changed to Senior Technical Product Manager (TPM), which is more of a day-to-day individual contributor than a long-term, creative visionary.
I did my best to adapt, but it felt like we were constantly trying to build a plane while it was in flight.
My brain tends to go down rabbit holes and suffers from analysis paralysis, because I want to learn everything. Staying high-level, this is not a problem. However, if I start in the weeds, then I get stuck in the mud.
I suffered severe depression, and sought help.
I was diagnosed with ADHD.
Suddenly, my entire life and career made sense.
I was medicated and finally learned coping skills to stay focused and organized. I understood my strengths and weaknesses.
I felt victorious and unconquerable!
I revealed my ADHD, and asked my boss if I could go back to what I was hired to do. The role was a better match for my skillset, but I could wait until they hired someone else to fill the TPM role.
I was told there were no other positions for me at the company.
Two months later, the company started a restructuring of the Product Team, and it’s an ongoing process that didn’t include me.
I’ve spent the last few months doing a lot of searching.
Job Searching.
Soul Searching.
Searching for purpose.
I’ve found it in networking with others in Product. I’ve been able to mentor people that have reached out, and have guided them to landing an entry level position in Product or technology in general.
I’ve found purpose in collaborating with other ADHD people on multiple passion projects.
I’ve found it in writing, both on LinkedIn and on Medium. Maybe there are other platforms I also need to explore.
I know I’ll find a new job, but I’m not going to “settle”.
I helped the Air Force through Y2K. I was a critical in the Intelligence Community’s response to 9/11. I saved businesses during COVID.
After building many great things, I now find joy in helping others build those great things.
I will find a high-level, strategically focused role that allows me to identify problems, propose a solution, guide others in building the solution, and helping to make that solution available to those who need it.
And again, if you’ve made it this far, I promise my future posts will not be this long. Thank you for being dedicated to understanding my path until now, whether you’re reading it in April, 2023, or if you’ve found a later article and wanted to come to where it’s all started.